i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
