Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
