In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't turn off my feet"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
