In the future we'll all be gay
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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