Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
