is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
