I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
