ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You're like the curious george of whores
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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