Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
