My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
