So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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