He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
