the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
