allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
