he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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