just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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