it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
