I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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