i may or may not be watching the land before time
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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