Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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