You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
