he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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