I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Randomize
