I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ugly people sure do ruin things
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
