worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
