Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
