We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
