Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Drunk is not a location!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
