I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
