then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
