Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
