my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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