Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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