i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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