There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
