dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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