We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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