why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Less talking, more tequila
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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