Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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