I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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