i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
then he tried to convert me to islam
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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