Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
