My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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