dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
