Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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