I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
