I wanna bring you to show and tell
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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