***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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