oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
