Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
