uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
