You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
