Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
