My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We just shotgunned beers for America
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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