you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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