I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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