Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
