3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
