If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
