I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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